Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
