You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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