Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
