I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize