She is in my trunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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