Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We left an ass print on the piano.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your cock deserves a montage
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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