I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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