As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
