good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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