Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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