Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
