Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
