So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
