Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
