; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
