im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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