Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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