I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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