Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so let's talk penis.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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