I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
