i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
