so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
