Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
