Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
