idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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