dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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