He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
