I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
