my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think i peed on brittanys purse
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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