did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
