i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
