i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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