Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
