so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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