i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
