i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize