I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
