just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
