We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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