is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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