I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
