I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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