I haven't been this sober since birth.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
