just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
