One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
