just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
