Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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