Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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