For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
