Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
