Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize