yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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