It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize