Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
