and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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