My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
