got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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