did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
