Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
