In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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