dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My pussy is not your playground.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am available for nakedness
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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