I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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