Its about making memories worth repressing
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
