I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize