Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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