My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
