I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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