so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
