Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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