I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
