Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
