You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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