Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
