when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize