He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
