I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
