Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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