I'm sorry my penis didn't work
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
