I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
