I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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