apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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