He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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