Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
