I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
